The Landmark Forum

I recently participated in the Landmark Forum, a 3 1/2 day personal growth program offered by Landmark Education. I enrolled in this program for three reasons: 1) my brother had attended and spoke highly of it; 2) I needed CEUs for my counseling certification; 3) I was really curious, because my brother is not the kind of guy who regularly attends personal development seminars. In addition, my brother sent my two nieces, and I got some positive feedback there, too. While I suspect that most people in the group had more background information than I did, I don't think I was at any disadvantage. For me, the program was eye-opening, enlightening, and truly worthwhile. I would do it again.

Our presenter was personable, caring, and very funny. Our group was diverse. It consisted of 110 people from 18 - 80+ years old. Professionals, students, and retirees were all represented. Some participants were evaluating the program for their companies, others were looking at changing careers, and some were seeking clarification on more personal issues. Everyone interacted with many other members of the group.

The criticisms I have read online are unfounded in my experience. The suggestions that this is a "cult" is just silly. We were not abused, held hostage, or yelled at. We could leave to go to the restroom whenever we wanted. We could get up and get water. We had regular breaks. We could go home if we didn't like it. No one was singled out and embarrassed. We were not brainwashed. No one called us mean names. I returned home as planned. I am not being stalked by zombies.

As a mental health counselor, I'm pretty open to personal growth opportunities. On the other hand, my background can make me a tough audience. After all, I'm hip to the tricks of the trade, right? I can make my Myers-Briggs assessment come out any way I want it to. I've studied all the theories; I've counseled many others. So I figured I'd experience this and see how I could use what I learned professionally. Imagine my surprise when I found myself "transformed"! It did not happen at the Forum. I understood everything intellectually, but it was the following day that the light bulb suddenly went on in my head. It has been incredibly liberating. I wish I had done this years ago!

Honestly, I thought that the goal of "transformation" was a bit too lofty. For a while I thought that some people had issues way too heavy to manage in a large group setting like this. I was genuinely worried about one participant (who I now consider a dear friend), but am happy to report that she had a wonderful, positive outcome. Every indication that I saw was that the Forum leader was truly tuned into the group, recognized issues, and made certain that everyone received support. This is a top-notch organization. They are committed to providing a substantial experience to everyone.

To the critics, if you didn't want to attend, you should not have. If your intention was only to disrupt the process, you did yourself and the other participants no favors.

This program offers the opportunity to take an honest look at our perceptions and how they shape our lives. It helps you to let go of anger and resentment, and to overcome the fears that prevent us from achieving our goals. The Forum can help you find the power within you to become an extraordinary individual living a life of integrity. Isn't that what we really want?

The Landmark Forum cost me $440 for a 3/12 day program: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday from 9:00 am to around 9:30 or 10:00 pm and Tuesday evening from 7:30 - 10:45. It also includes 10 Tuesday evening seminars. It's pretty cheap when you break it down hourly.

Yes, they will ask you to promote the program to your friends and family. I have a few friends and family members who I hope will enroll. What's the problem with this? Mary Kay, Avon, Tupperware, and my financial planner all ask me to refer clients to them. Landmark Education is a business, so why shouldn't they ask the same thing? (OK, everyone knows that Tupperware is a cult, but my financial planner? Please!) And if I had a great experience, why wouldn't I want to share it? I am sending my son to the next program. If his girlfriend wants to go, I will pay for it, too. I cannot think of a greater gift to give two 18 year olds than to free them from the burden of the junk that most of us carry well into our adult years.

Here's my advice: if you are really seeking personal enlightenment and are willing to look honestly at yourself, do this. It's worth every penny and every minute.

It won't change the things life throws at you, but you just might find yourself managing in a very different way. Be extraordinary. We only get one shot at this.

A Small Clarification

For the record, the University Police Department did not turn off Andrew Meyer's microphone at the John Kerry event. The mic was turned off by ACCENT, the group that coordinates on-campus events, when Mr. Meyer's language became objectionable.

The Gainesville Five (or Six, Depending on Who You Talk To)

I am a supporter of free speech. I am also a supporter of the idea that there is a "time and place" for everything. Andrew Meyer violated all semblance of what is appropriate when he barged in line at Kerry's talk last night and proceeded to steamroll questions at Kerry without giving him a chance to respond.

When I watched the first video, I had the suspicion that Meyer's actions seemed premeditated. Many of my colleagues expressed the same opinion. When the police first approached Meyer, he acted "oh-so-surprised" in a very unconvincing way. Anyone who was really surprised would not have started screaming about being arrested at this point. His "Oh, what did I do?" cries also rang very false. Don't believe me? Check out his website . Think this is just a coincidence, complete with T-shirts to come? Right. This guy had this planned way in advance! This particular web site was created on April 5, 2007, and will expire on April 9, 2009 unless renewed.

I hope Mr. Meyer has enjoyed his few minutes of fame. He may have support (yes, Dad, I know what you think about this one), but he certainly doesn't have anything to offer his supporters except an obnoxious attitude and a few tips on how to turn yourself into the media event of the moment. He did, however, suck 6 UPD officers into his little drama, with no regard for the consequences to them. Isn't it interesting that this SOB would only "resist" when the cameras were on him, but when they were not, he was calm and cooperative, telling the officers that he wasn't mad at them and they were just doing their jobs? Isn't it interesting that this has been reported in the news and by the officers involved? If all the evidence points to a setup by Meyer, then will these police officers still find themselves suspended?

I don't advocate unnecessary force. I also do not believe for a single moment that this was a normal circumstance. Under normal circumstances, I believe that this many officers would have been able to cuff and remove Mr. Meyer. Check out his Facebook Page. Not too many of his peers are feeling sympathetic.

OK, Andrew. You won. You got on the front pages of CNN, ABC, NBC, The Gainesville Sun, the Ocala Star Banner, and the Alligator. Now admit that you are the publicist for this whole thing, let the officers be counseled, and drop the whole mess before you ruin someone else's life for no good reason. (YOU are not a good reason.)

Sick of Celebrities

Can someone please explain to me why Paris Hilton equals "news"? Paris Hilton is a wealthy young woman, who (in my humble opinion) has nothing but her money to commend her. She has never been cited for doing anything productive or kind. She does not work, she does not contribute to society, she is not remotely representative of the American public. Yet, each morning, when I sit down to read the news and enjoy a cup of coffee, I am greeted by Paris Hilton in the headlines. So nice to know that she has found god since her stay at our expense.

Robert Kennedy Jr. has said that we (Americans) are the best entertained, but least informed group of people. I think he is probably right. (No party remarks here, please, this is not a political issue.)Are we so complacent and bored that we think it's okay for Paris to get top billing when the Presidential election is coming up and we are still at war in Iraq?

Paris must be selling, because she continues to be headline news, along with Britney's ridiculous antics, and Lindsay's rehab. Who really cares? These people do not impact our lives, except in the way that they influence our youngest women to emulate them. They are only a circus act distracting us from the important things that do affect our lives.

Tracking celebrity misadventures is best suited to the National Enquirer and People magazine. It's time to pay attention to important issues. Just in case you didn't notice, gasoline is at $3.00 per gallon. Do you know why? Do you know who Ron Paul is? Is ethanol a sustainable source of automobile fuel for our future? What is happening to Florida's fresh water supply and how will we continue to support our growing population?

It's time to get off of our collective butts and let the so called "news" sites know that we want real news in the headlines. Put the celebrity junk where it belongs - in entertainment only - and keep it off the front page. We have important issues facing us nationally and globally. Paris is probably not going to help us resolve any of those things. It's our responsibility. Let's take it seriously.

I suggest that we boycott any news page that features celebrity hijinks as headlines from July 1 through July 7. Send an email to your news page (look at the bottom for "contact us" and send your comment). If each of you can get just a couple of people involved, we have the potential to make an impact.

It's your world. Make it the best it can be.

P.S. Today I was looking for a new dog. The kennel closest to my home advertises that "39 celebrities have bought our dogs." You know what? I'm looking elsewhere and I'm letting them know why.

In Memory of Lt. Corey Dahlem

I am all for celebrating victories, but not at the cost of life. It is time for us to determine what carries a greater weight -- our national championships, or the lives of those who must protect us in celebration of victory.

I am truly saddened by the needless death of Lt. Corey Dahlem, a dedicated public servant. To his family, our basketball win is meaningless. I believe that the University Athletic Association owes a huge monetary debt to this family. Nothing will ever make up for this tragic loss.

Games have been important since the beginning of ancient history. But it is irresponsible for the University of Florida (or any other university) to sacrifice it's local law enforcement personnel to life endangering situations because of a sports event.

Nothing will ever replace Lt. Corey Dahlem for his family. It's time for the University Athletic Association to make a huge contribution to ensuring the Dalmen family's livelihood or else to provide their own personnel to manage events that they cause.

This is above and beyond any local police department's call of duty, and universities should be held responsible for their impact on local neighborhoods.

To the family of Lt. Corey Dahlem I offer my sincerest condolences. You are in my prayers. I am terribly sorry for this horrible and tragic accident.

Christmas Ramblings

Christmas is coming and the geese are getting fat.
Please put a penny in the poor man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny, then a ha'penny will do.
If you haven't got a ha'penny then God bless you.

My mother sang this little English ditty to me when I was young. To me, it elicits the whole Dickens Christmas Carol story, and every Christmas it pops into my head almost as if Mother were still here to remind me about what's really important.

Christmas is such a big event when we are young. As we grow older, it changes. Life tends to intrude on the "magic" of the season, and we start to shift priorities to make everything fit together. Many of my friends and family had simple Christmases this year. It's really a relief in many ways. While we still have a kid at home, he's a teenager, so it was easy to scale down. We had a pretty tree, we had gifts for him, we had a great dinner. We spent the morning and early afternoon together as a family, and truly enjoyed it. The late afternoon and evening were spent relaxing -- reading, puttering, watching a movie. DS went off to visit friends.

When my parents decided to forgo the big tree and extravagant display I was shocked. How could they ignore the season that way? Now, I am thinking that their little ceramic tree with the LightGlo lights wasn't such a bad idea after all. There are other things that need attention, even over the holidays.

This year, it seems that DH's sister might beat the odds on a diagnosis that is usually a death sentence. Being at the hospital for her surgery, I got to know my 3 adult nephews by marriage, who I had met many times, but never really connected with. They are awesome young men. We got to spend time with another sister who came from far away to be with us for the surgery. We have spoken almost daily to everyone in the family. We connected in a way that I don't wish on younger people, but is meaningful and important. It goes far beyond the obligatory Christmas phone call.

Life has a way of showing us what is important. Christmas makes us a little more open to thinking about these things in a different way. I am grateful to have this miracle, and I am grateful for all the family and friends who have supported us through this, and who are there for us even when the holiday season doesn't demand it.

To each and every one of you special people, Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, prosperous New Year.

Alachua County Judge Mark Mosely

When my family requested a restraining order against a 16 year old kid who has terrorized my son with a pellet gun, a Molotov cocktail, a 2x4, and a gang of people who wanted to fight one boy (my son); when evidence proves that this 16 year old stole my son's cell phone and sold his SIM card (costing me well over $125); when this kid stalked my son on campus and attacked him at a friend's home; and when this kid's friends are bragging that he vandalized my son's car to the tune of more than $500; Judge Mark Mosely decided that there was insufficient evidence to issue a temporary 2-week restraining order and that we needed to wait 2 weeks until we could have a court hearing. This harrassment has gone on for more than 3 weeks. The SFCC police daprtment and ASO are taking this complaint seriously. Judge Mosely apparently doesn't think that upstanding citizens deserve the protection of the court.

While I have filed a supplemental affadavit for the restraining order, the court tells me it will be 3-5 days before a decision. Every day that this kid is free from legal action is a potential problem. Thanks very much, Judge Mosely. Anything can happen in the interim. I hope you realize that it will be your repsonsibility if things go awry.

Please let everyone know how Judge Mark Mosely handled this request for a restraining order, We are professional people, upstanding citizens, and have no previous record. If I am paying this guy's salary (and I am) I expect a little more consideration.

No Protection from the Court

The court denied my request for a restraining order. The did set a hearing date, 2 weeks from now. I don't think I can take 2 more weeks of this. I'm filing a supplemental affadavit, but my optimism isn't too great at this point.

Many Thanks

To all my friends, family, extended family, and friends of friends:

Thanks to each of you who have provided so much support to me during times of stress. You know who you are. Without you, life would be much tougher. Although every one of us experiences bad times along with the good, you have each helped me to remember that the bad times are simply are necessary part of living.

I am deeply grateful for each and every one of you. And Sma, I still sleep with the blanket you made for me every night. No day goes by without my remembering how much you gave to me during that especially rough time.

Life is about relationships, and each of you are special. Thank you so much for being the wonderful people you are.

Much love,

Deb

You Are Judged by the Company You Keep

I used to roll my eyes when my mother would make statements about being judged by the company you keep, along with a lot of other things. Sorry, Mom. I wish you were here so I could tell you how right you were. But I never kept really bad company, so I couldn't really understand the true meaning (and truth) behind this particular saying.

I've learned it now, though, the hard way. My family's life is now controlled by one sick individual who my son became acquainted with over the summer. This kid (Jon) is the next door neighbor of my son's best friend. He is 16 years old. His parents are doctors. They leave him alone 3 - 4 nights per week while they spend time at their beach house. He deals drugs from their home. He steals from other kids. He stole my son's cell phone "as a joke" and sold his SIM card. (We have proof of this.) He threatens people. He trashed my son's car to the tune of more than $500.

Jon has recently decided that some money was taken from his room. He has also decided that my son and his friend are the only ones who could have done this. At least that is his excuse for terrorizing all of us, assaulting my kid's friend's house, and stalking them both on campus with threats and demands to fight. Nevermind that he was probably too stoned to know if he ever really had the money, where he left it, or how he might have spent it.

We've reported it all to SFCC police, who have been very helpful. We've also had to report it to ASO, who were also very helpful. Now, we have to obtain a restraining order just to try to protect ourselves. I hate having to drag all this law enforcement into my life. The worst thing I've ever done was get a speeding ticket.

I'm embarrassed, but worse, I am scared. We can't get the car fixed until we know this is over. We cannot afford to continually repair vandalism. There are constant threats that come in via text messages and voice mail (ASO was pretty shocked to hear those). My son's best friend lives next door to Jon, and his parents have witnessed the drug activity and the assault on their house, but are too scared to make an official complaint. Jon has already hurt one of their dogs, and they are afraid to file a complaint because they think he will hurt their dogs again or worse.

Jon's parents don't care a bit. When they were told by their neighbors about suspicious activity at their home when they are gone, they waited 3 weeks to respond and then asked the neighbors to watch their house. Maybe a restraining order will get their attention, but I doubt it.

It doesn't take much to get involved with the wrong crowd. It can be a huge task to get uninvolved. We had hoped that the whole thing would burn itself out if ignored, but that isn't the case here.

Let's face it, if my son and his friend had never gotten involved with this jerk none of this would be happening. However, at the ripe old age of 17, none of us is really very well versed in the ways of the world. One out-of-control kid can wreak havoc that you cannot even begin to imagine.

If anyone has any good ideas about stopping this, let me know. In the meantime, I highly recommend getting a wonderful dog over having children. Dogs don't talk, don't make friends you don't want them to have, and are always happy to see you. They are predictable and reliable. They rarely cause terrible stress on your home life.

Damn, I need a vacation. Too bad I'm afraid to leave town.

Tenants from Hell

Actually, most of our tenants are pretty good people. Like the rest of us, they have their idiosyncrasies, but generally speaking they are good, normal folks just like the rest of us. Recently, though, we have had the tenants from hell. I might post a few photos just to show you how awful things can be, but what made this worse was that this guy was my advisee when he was a freshman. I remembered (too late) his mother telling me, "he's not a bad kid, but he's always trying to make the system work for him." Then, when I checked around the college, I found that he had a reputation for "acting without authorization". He has a degree in the highest paying field on the planet, but cannot get a job. (At least the employers are on their toes.) We had to make them leave after only 6 weeks in the place. Here's the letter I really wanted to send him after he tried to make a case for his security deposit. (Trust me here, we are well known for returning entire security deposits unless there is a legit problem.)
*********************************************************

THE LETTER I WISH I COULD SEND

Dear Minions of Satan:

Further correspondence with you is made tolerable only by my deep faith that your ignorance and gall are not contagious, and that in time the memory of your toxic trip through our lives will serve as a warning for others. You are never satisfied. It’s insufficient for you to have been born stupid – you insist on seeking to increase your birthright in every utterance.

In response to your brilliant letter regarding the security deposit deductions, let us first state that you obviously don’t know a damn thing about the law, life, or much of anything else.

Couch disposal. The couch was still in the cottage on the evening of October XX, 2006. That it somehow migrated to the patio after this time is irrelevant. E--- stated at the time that your intention was to give it to Goodwill (also irrelevant). It really doesn’t matter if you had left the freakin’ thing on the roof. You abandoned it, we had to dispose of it, and you are, in fact, according to the law, responsible for it’s removal. Dumbass.

Carpet repair. Of course you are unaware of any damages to the carpet. Even if you thought you had damaged it,

1. you wouldn’t admit it, and
   
2. you couldn't possibly know because you couldn’t see any of the carpet while you two were in residence. While we can easily believe that you never used an iron during your tenancy, and we might have jumped to an erroneous conclusion in thinking that either of you would utilize such an appliance, the burn to the carpet did, in fact, occur after you moved in.

Carpet Cleaning. OK, sure. You cleaned the carpets. We should know that from the bits of lint all over the carpet during the inspection at 6:30 pm on Oct. XX, 2006. It’s also backed up by your note that says “carpets cleaned” that showed up sometime after October XX. It is further supported by your bluster and a significant lack of real documentation. Had you cleaned the carpets, your responsibility was to notify us ahead of time. We simply don't believe you.

GRU Bills. So which is it, Genius? Either you were out of the premises before October xx, and therefore abandoned the couch in the living room, or you were still in residence and are responsible for the GRU bills? Hah! It doesn’t matter what you say, because by your very own logic you are trapped. The cottage was inspected on the evening of October xx. You had left furniture there and not yet returned keys or left your note stating that the keys were with the other tenants. You obviously used power on October xx, and very likely on October xx+1, as well. The GRU bill for this period stands.

As for the remaining utilities, unbunch your panties, Idiot Boy. This amount has been held out simply as security – as agreed in the original agreement for you to vacate – until the actual bill comes in. At that time, we’ll refund any difference to you and provide a copy of the bill.

We truly hope that this finalizes any further correspondence with you beyond mailing the final GRU bill. Your tenancy, brief though it was, has truly demonstrated that some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

Very best regards,

***************************************************************

These people were awful in the worst sense. While you were evicting them, they would invite you in to sit down. I would not have let one of my dogs sit in that place. I have never seen a frat house that messy. They are so ignorant of the world. She is pregnant, he is unemployed, they are unmarried. They moved to his parents' home after we asked them to leave. (His parents are a lawyer and a doctor, so no hardship there.) I will never rent again to someone I "know". This whole mess has cost us a fortune and really affected my faith in humanity.

I Recommend Small Dogs Over Children

Just in case any of you out there are wondering, small dogs are a much better choice than children. While your beautiful golden haired child will thrill you for several years, he will eventually turn into a teenager and make you wish you were dead. My advice: don't breed. Adopt a small dog who will always love you and who you can put to sleep when it gets to be too much. Motherhood sucks.

Dedicated to the girls who have been here before

My dignity depends on a small piece of elastic. Usually benign, inconsequential, and given little thought, this modern substitute for the drawstring simplifies our lives in many ways. It helps our clothes conform to our bodies. It eliminates unsightly bulges where unwelcome drawstring knots would appear. Today, elastic was the enemy.

I left my office this afternoon delighted at the thought of a long weekend. As I walked down the hall, I felt a strange tightness around my hips. Damn! I know I gained back 2 pounds, but this skirt has never felt like this before. Time to hop on the treadmill and get over the Burrito Brother's Primo Beef Burrito I had for lunch. OK, I can do that. As I walked to the parking lot, that strange, binding feeling started to move lower, creeping from high on my hip to the top of my thighs. @#$*! I can't be gaining weight that fast! OK, so I had a couple of chips, too, but gee whiz, I'm still way under my points for the day. How can one burrito make me so fat so soon?

Now I am hurrying. If I walk a little faster, I can burn off a few extra calories, right? That tight feeling is now midway to my thighs. This is a full, flouncy skirt. What is going on?

I step off the curb, my vehicle in sight. I look down as I step, and see a flash of beige hovering around my ankles. What the ....?

Ladies, there in full view of any passerby was my slip, sliding south, ready to tangle me up in an undignified knot and topple me face first to the pavement. Betrayed by my very own undergarments! The same ones I have carefully washed on delicate and dried on low heat.

Two thoughts came to mind immediately. The first, I am on my way to an appointment, I can't wear this skirt without a slip. So I climbed into my car, and carefully tucked the offending and now useless elastic into my pantyhose. The second thought was that this was really pretty funny. I am not the only one who has been here. Reference my pal's blog . Her Mom and my grandmother also related similar experiences.

Sometimes I guess we just need a little quirky experience to make us stop taking life so seriously. I mean really, it could have been much worse. I remember seeing a woman in a restaurant whose skirt had gotten tucked into her panty hose when she used the ladies room. We all had an eyefull of pantyhose and buttocks that evening. Thank the gods for small mercies.

The Memory of Your Perfume Will Linger...

Oh yes, the memory of your perfume will stay with me for a long, long time. Once you walked into the restaurant, I could no longer taste my food. In fact, I could barely breathe. Your perfume - you know, the one you think will make you irresistable - has me reaching for my cell phone to call 911 and gasping for oxygen.

Fragrances have been in use for thousands of years. They have been incorporated into many cultures, and aromatherapy is popular today as a way to relieve stress. Most often, perfumes and colognes are used to subtly attract the opposite sex. Subtle is the key word here. The main idea of perfume as an attractant is to leave a mysterious trace of inviting fragrance in the air.

Often, it seems like perfume is used as an assault weapon. Instead of leaving that lingering trace of scent, oblivious idiots are leaving trails of asphyxiated victims in their wake. I recently sat in a restaurant with a woman who explained how to layer perfume so it wouldn't wear off. First, wash in the body wash, then slather yourself with the matching body lotion. Follow this with an all over heavy mist of the actual perfume. I can tell you that there is no chance that this perfume would wear off over the course of an evening. It is probably responsible for destroying much of the ozone layer and would not wear off sooner than the half-life of plutonium.

If you have ever been trapped in a plane, an office, a car, or any other place with someone who believes in the "more is better" approach to scents, you probably know what I mean. Many perfumes today use a synthetic base guaranteed to trigger respiratory reactions in a large percentage of the population. Boys, girls, men, and women all seem to think that dousing themselves with extra fragrance will somehow enhance their popularity. It's unlikely that they ever consider that their over indulgence will intrude on someone else's ability to breathe.

Don't get me wrong. I like things that smell good. However, I resent things that are imposed on me and ruin my meal or cause respiratory distress. Too much perfume is not attractive, it is simply obnoxious. An extra dose of perfume will not make you more attractive. How embarrassing would it be to go out thinking you smell like heaven and having your date end up in the ER because you triggered an asthma attack?

People who wear lots of strong scents become accustomed to them and cannot smell them at all. That's not the case for innocent bystanders who are subjected to the univited and unwanted battering of their olfactory senses.

I am thinking of having cards made up that say "The memory of your perfume lingers" with a check box for

• I could no longer taste my food
• I could not breathe
• I'd like to send you my ambulance bill

Perfumes and fragrances are supposed to relieve stress and be inviting. If you feel the need to use an extra dose, stop and try to focus on the things that will really make you attractive - social skills, cleanliness, a witty reparte. Is there anything that smells better than freshly washed hair or clean clothes? Too much of a good thing is a real turn off, and might mean invading the space of people you are not even aware of.

When you put on that perfume that you think is so delightful, think quality not quantity. As mother used to say, a little bit goes a long way. More is not better.

What's Really Important?

I work at a large university where the students pride themselves on being involved, being aware, and taking charge of events. When Facebook implemented changes that allowed every user's movement to be tracked instantly, these students banded together with lightning speed to protest the changes. They formed a new group of disgruntled users and encouraged everyone to boycott the site. In no time at all, Facebook discontinued the unwelcome and intrusive changes. One student posted a message saying "If we can do this, imagine what else we can accomplish!"

I applaud their efforts. It's good to know that our students are not apathetic and that they don't just accept things because they don't believe they can change them. The ability to act for change is what this country is based on. Bravo.

What is truly disturbing is that these same students who will force a corporate entity to meet their needs are not willing to assist a fellow human being in distress. When I walked to my office from the parking lot yesterday it was impossible not to see the young woman lying unconscious by a picnic table near the O'Connell Center. Her chin was scraped and bleeding from where she had hit it on the bench when she fainted. Her belongings were strewn around her. As I approached, I watched countless pedestrians and cars pass by, each of them looking, but not one of them stopping to help. Then, four young women stopped, called 911, and very carefully and gently assisted their fellow student in distress. They waited until help arrived before moving on. Wherever they were headed, they put their own agendas aside to assist. They should be commended for doing the right thing and for acting with genuine concern and compassion.

The world needs more people like these four. While we have come to accept this kind of "I don't want to get involved" apathy in many places, this is not what we should expect - or accept - on the University of Florida campus.

I hope that those who passed on by will spend at least a few moments wondering why they couldn't be bothered.

Maria Sharapova Should Fire Her PR Team

Maria Sharapova is the highest paid woman athlete in the world. She is an incredible tennis player who knocks the socks off most ofl the competition. Why isn't this enough? This poor girl's PR team has decided that Maria should be equivalent to today's supermodels. They have designed a pathetic series of PR commercials to promote Maria as something she is not. Maria Sharapova is a kick-ass athlete. She is a far cry from the supermodel femme fatale that her promoters want us to see. Just watch her "Power Shot" commercial if you aren't convinced. She knocks off a hundred killer tennis serves, and then sallies up to the camera with a shoulder wag as uncomfortable as a boy in a dress. Now we are subjected to a bunch of idiots singing "I Feel Pretty" while our supposedly pretty heroine stomps through their ranks with a sour scowl on her face and ultimately rewards us with one of her oh-so-feminine signature grunts as she smashes the ball. Give me a break.

Maria is attractive enough, but hardly supermodel pretty. She is more the girl next door with a killer swing and a grunt that would make King Kong jealous. Besides, setting her up as the next "glamour girl" diminishes her accomplishments. She is a fantastic athlete. What is wrong with focusing on that? She doesn't need to compete with Paris Hilton. Unlike Ms. Hilton, Maria has actually accomplished something that should make her proud to be the athlete that she is. Why does she need to be seen as some kind of pinup girl when she has so many accolades for what she has truly done?

Lately she has appeared at the US Open wearing a black sequined outfit cut so low in the back that I wonder if we are meant to focus on her game or her outfit. Instead of promoting her success, her PR team is promoting her [supposed] sex appeal. Nevermind that she is awkward in these settings, there is apparently a buck to be made.

Maria has the potential to make great things happen. She is in an incredibly influential position. Will she use her fame to make a difference? Or will she become just another of the Hollywood bimbos that we have more than enough of?

The choice is hers. She can become someone who makes a difference, or she can become another starlet wanna-be and waste her accomplishments by trying to be something she is not. Her PR team would do her a huge favor by not trying to promote her as the sexiest thing on the planet. Leave that to those who have the looks but little else. Why not let her be what she is? Why isn't that enough?

OK, I've had it with RTS

Well, we've been complaining for 3 weeks now abut the traffic in Gainesburg, and it would be unfair to say that the opening of 2nd Ave. hasn't improved it some. But I still don't get why it's OK for RTS busses to block intersections on the yellow light. I mean, really, how much is that going to keep them on schedule? I thought that blocking intersections (whether you are a car or a bus) was wrong. Today at Museum and Gale Lemerand, I watched two busses block the intersection (each coming from opposing directions on Museum), and then make aggravated gestures at the drivers who should have had the right of way. RTS does a pretty good job of keeping on schedule, and that's admirable. But when they prevent the rest of us from getting where we are going, they are doing no public service. Honestly, these two drivers -- who were totally blocking the interstection -- were mad at the drivers who had the right of way. Aren't they supposed to be "professional" drivers? Shouldn't we expect them to abide by the rules of the road?

This is really stupid.

Adventures in Weight Loss

It's been several weeks since my pal Jess and I embarked on yet another adventure. Please understand that we have been involved in many adventures, some voluntary, some planned, and some totally out of the blue. This one we planned. Jess is a consummate planner (I am, too, she just has a better track record of making our ideas happen.) She is such a fabulous detail person. I'm always the one saying "what if...." My life without Jess is really not nearly as fun and productive as my life with Jess. We are outstanding partners, even though we don't agree on everything. We have this wonderful friendship that allows us to totally ignore each others' frailties.

OK, enough of that maudlin crud. A couple of months ago, I got really, really tired of listening to myself whine about not being able to lose the 15 pounds necessary to feel like a human being again. I got tired of feeling like Shamu, and really annoyed with myself for the whining. I used to be a very skinny person. I was not a skinny person any more. Every Monday I would wake up with a new mission....to lose this weight that was weighing me down. Every Friday I was a failure. Please don't think that stopped my eternal optimism. Each Monday I began again. the trouble was, I didn't have a clue about how to lose the weight. If I had the money back for every diet book I have bought, for every diet pill (Hey, Hydroxycut, you did NOTHING), I would be a rich woman.

I joined Weight Watchers, the last bastion of the hopelessly overweight. I did feel a little funny about it, but hey, nothing else was working. Within a short time, Jess agreed to give it try, too. With her usual enthusiasm (and ability to get up early) she jumped right in and began walking at 4:00 am. (She's an early riser, OK? She gets to work at 6:00.) I wish I could say that I had the same comittment to early morning exercise, but I have been good about using my treadmill. I am happy to report that Jess and I have (officially, as of today) lost a total of 20 pounds.

I tried to tell one of my coworkers who has been struggling with weight about our new "lifestyle". She assured me that she was eating like a bird. I think that's the problem. Birds eat their own body weight daily. She is still struggling, and I am strutting on the beach.

Jess and I are thrilled. We are accomplishing our goals. We are feeling better, looking better, and understanding that this is totally under our control. After the Labor Day weekend and a dinner at my favorite restaurant, I still lost 1.4 lbs. Come one you guys, it's not that hard once you finally take a real look at WHAT you are eating. That's what I never did before. A little of this, a little of that, didn't seem like much at all. It turned out to be more than I expected. We have all gotten to expect that servings should be super-sized and that we are immune to reality. You can lose it if you want to...

Join us in our adventure...you'll be glad you did.

Rules of the Road and Traffic Jams

My best pal Jess has already posted about the ridiculous traffic in Gainesville since the start of the fall semester. By and large, residents are prepared for the influx of student vehicles, but this month has been horrific. Construction near the university is incomplete. The traffic lights are not timed porperly. The gridlock has been a nightmare.

What makes this worse is that so many drivers seem oblivious to the rules of the road. Everyone is in a hurry, and it becomes all about "me, me, me." Courtesy, sense, and patience are sadly lacking in today's drivers who think nothing of blocking intersections even though they have nowhere to go. Tuesday afternoon, I headed east on University Ave with the intention of turning north on NW 17 St. A lovely blonde, yakking on her cell phone in a new blue Nissan decided to pull across the intersection on a green (maybe yellow) light, despite the fact that there was nowhere to go. The intersection was totally blocked. When the cross traffic light turned green, no one could move. She shrugged her shoulders at the annoyed drivers and continued to chat. Must be nice to be so free of concern for others.

This is aggravating. No one should block an intersection. It's a moving violation. It causes more problems and doesn't get the offender ahead of the game. It would be one thing if it were only the blonde in the Nissan, or the idiot in the shiny black truck with the Penn State plates on the front.

What makes matters worse is that our RTS busses are the worst offenders. In the past three days, I have sat through at least five extra light changes because an RTS bus decided to pull out and block the intersection. This has happened at Buckman & University and at Gale Lemarand & Museum where the mess was so bad that traffic watied through 3 extra light changes because of a bus. There's no way to get around a bus when your light turns green. When traffic is jammed up as badly as it is around the university these days, then professional drivers should have an obligation to abide by the rules of the road and not think that blocking traffic is actually going to help them stay on schedule. Hey, RTS, the University of Florida subsidizes these routes. How about a little consideration for those of us who are paying your bills?

Although I hate getting stuck behind a bus, I am a proponent of mass transit and its benefits. These drivers should be most attuned to our traffic problems, driving laws, and how they contribute to the mess we are dealing with. These drivers have a responsibility to do things right, and they are not doing that. They are setting a bad example and making a bad situation worse.

There is really no excuse for the traffic mess that we are in now. It should not take 45 minutes to get off campus. Where are the traffic cops who are so willing to stake out residential areas like Suburban Heights? Why are our police agencies so unwilling to issue traffic violation tickets in the university area?

Gainesville does not have the infrastructure to support the traffic we have, and until that is addressed, nothing will get better. Maybe it's time to address the real problems and stop spending money on "traffic calming" circles and speed bumps. I don't see any of those things improving our North-South or East-West access.

Can't Sleep Tonight

"No one on their deathbed ever said, 'I wish I spent more time at work.'"

Although I doubt that there is much research to support this statement, intuitively I have to believe that it is true. After all, the vast majority of us have jobs that make the world run, but individually are not the driving force in any major world event. I know that my job fits into this category, although there are some individuals who have benefited from my expertise, abilities, or sympathies in a way that moves them along, helps them, and gives them the opportunity to make the most of their own resources.

This week has been hell on wheels. The start of the university school year. Old problems that need to be "fixed". New issues with pressing deadlines. Programs for new students. Office issues that need to be resolved RIGHT NOW that cannot possibly be addressed until the furor dies down.

Somewhere, in all this, there is family. A young son who has "started college" courtesy of dual enrollment. A DH who runs a busy business and needs support. A Dad who is facing major, life changing surgery, and my hair stylist, who is being patient with me for having missed an appointment when she could have scheduled another client. Oh, most important, my missed lunch with my long time friend Jess, but I promise we'll get back on track soon.

Sometimes it is hard to balance it all. Work has demands that are sometimes seasonal, but always pressing. These needs weigh on me, as they are now, even when I am not at work. I know that I am not alone in this. There are probably a lot of other university people lying awake tonight thinking about the things that need to happen tomorrow.

Is it worth it? Some days I wonder, but tonight I have to say it is. DS is with a trusted friend. DH is sleeping comfortably, now that I have gotten out of the bed and stopped thrashing around trying to sleep.

I have a wonderful team of people to work with. These things will get done. I want to thank two people, who will probably never see this blog for their support: my wonderful Program Assistant, Kanitra...the most wonderful human being on this planet; and my student assistant, Jose, who is so dependable and supportive that I could not possibly do it without him. You two are the best things that have ever happened to me.

Tomorrow I will take care of the things that are keeping me awake tonight. I will wake up on time (I hope) and get back to work. Tomorrow night there will be time for family, and this weekend we will head to the beach.

Today, it would be easy to believe that the office is taking too much from me, but I have to look at what I am giving and how that factors into my life equation. Today, life is hectic and demanding, but the potential benefits (for the students) are worth the effort on my part. I signed up for this knowing that there would be people who would need my help. That's my mission. Next week I will take an afternoon off, the family will be back "on track" and life will resolve into normalcy [whatever that is].

I'm not really spending too much time at work, I am simply attending to the tasks that I feel are important. Now, if I could just go to sleep.