Dog Ransom

Being an optimist, I tend to believe that everything will be OK, that people are basically good, and that the Golden Rule is a pretty decent starting place for getting along in life. Some people think this is a naive approach to the world, but hey, it's worked for me so far. I'm old enough to fully understand that bad things do happen to good people. I don't think I'll ever be old enough to understand why some people go out of their way to make things bad for others.

You remember the case of the missing dog. Two weeks ago, Macsy disappeared. Twenty four hours later, he turned up at a family member's home. Go figure. It was a happy ending, I took down the "missing dog" flyers, and canceled the ad I had posted on one of the internet sites.

Because I've been busy, I haven't been doing a good job of keeping up with my personal email. So I was surprised, and pretty disgusted when I found this message sitting in my inbox:

From: Mike Thomas mike_found202@yahoo.com
To: (me)
Subject: your dog is with me......
Date: Wednesday, April 16, 2008 5:35:30 AM

I won't lie to you i stole this dog....and the reason why i stole is that ..i need help my mum is in Nigeria dieing of cancer ..and i decided to steal it and i know i will found the owner contact addres ..so before i release it ..you are going to pay sum of $600...i swear this dog is with me

My first thought was, Jeez, what a dumbass. If you're going to attempt extortion at least have the courtesy to spell check! (OK, spelling is a pet peeve with me.) That thought was quickly replaced by, This guy is a scum sucking jerk! Then, it occurred to me that Nigeria is getting a bad rap in all this send money for my dying relative spam. I know a lot of people from Nigeria, and not one of them has ever asked me for a cent for medical care for a family member. But that's another issue.

One thing that I detest more than a con man is a stupid con man. Having a professional con man for a relative, I know the difference. "Mike Thomas" is a stupid con man. Even if Macs were still missing, I wouldn't have given this message any credence. It's filled with holes, aside from the dying mother in Nigeria. (I won't list them here, because I don't want to help him improve his efforts, but I'll be happy to go on and on about them at lunch.)

My concern is that some desperate and grief stricken individual might actually send money to this liar, or one of his ilk. Missing dog scams are apparently not uncommon. Dog Detective lists several. Unfortunately, there is little that can be done aside from using common sense and avoiding posting your email address online. If you have a friend with a missing pet, caution them to use care in posting ads, and to beware of responses like this one.

Meantime, I will hope that Mike Thomas and his friends have big chunks bitten out of their asses by angry packs of French poodles.

Now THAT'S optimistic!

The Prodigal Dog Returns

Many thanks to all of you who helped in searching for Macs. He's an old fellow, and not very street smart. At least we didn't think he was very street smart. Somehow, he showed up at my brother in law's house early Tuesday morning. While this is a 1-mile down CR 325 by car, it's about a 3 mile walk between our homes, through mostly heavy woods. We hope he enjoyed his adventure, but we are very glad that he is back at home.

Jess, you have been wonderful. As always, I can count on my very best friends to spread the word when help is needed. You rock.

Thanks again, and keep looking out for our animal friends!

Missing Dog

This morning started the same way that every weekday begins. I got up a little after 6:00, made coffee, turned on the computer, and said good morning to Macs, our Sheltie. At 14 years of age, Macs has been with my husband longer than I have, and he graciously put up with my moving into his home 7 years ago. Every day since then, I have let him out for his morning ritual. Fireball, our cat, comes in when Macs goes out. They then spend the day at home doing whatever a dog and a cat do.

Today, everything seemed pretty normal, except that Macs did not come in when I called him. He never wanders off. He is a herding animal, and he takes his job seriously.

Something changed today, though. Macs didn't come back when I called him. He is still not home. We have scoured the woods and canvassed Cross Creek, but no one has seen him. Our only hope is that he wandered away and some well-intentioned person picked him up. Please go to Find Macs for more info and a picture.

If you have any information that could help us to bring Macsy home, we will be forever grateful.

Many thanks.

Stop the Canadian Seal Hunt

The slaughter of 275,000 baby seals began at dawn on Friday, March 25, 2008. Condoned by the Canadian government, this represents the largest organized killing of marine animals on Earth. There is nothing humane about it. Baby seals are bludgeoned to death. In some cases, they are skinned alive.

Many of us have signed a pledge to boycott Canadian seafood until this barbaric practice is stopped. I think we can take this one step further, and perhaps get the attention of other groups whose livelihoods might be affected.

Last weekend I bought several beautiful tomato and herb plants from Bonnie Plants, an Alabama grower. I was getting ready to plant them when I noticed that their environmentally friendly pots were made in Canada. The plants went back to Lowe's, and I sent a note to the company explaining why.

If we boycott enough Canadian products, and it affects enough other businesses, perhaps the Canadian government will listen. It won't take much of your time. Just read the labels on the products you purchase. If it says "Made in Canada", put it back on the shelf and send an email.

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Blogitis: It's Contagious

As you know, last week I helped my father establish his blog Kermit the Blog. He was worried about being found. (Actually it was Mary who wondered how anyone would find him. I don't think my father ever really considered it.) As luck, and the laws of the Internet would have it, my pal Jess called me this morning and reported that my brother now has his own blog! It's called Frog Spawn. They had met each other via Kermit.

I remember the world before the Internet. It was pretty difficult to meet people from other places unless you traveled a lot. You might have a zillion opinions, and even possess the gift of expressing those opinions, but only a very few would ever be seen or heard or read. Today, it takes less than one week to connect people of differing points of view and in different locales. If we had used Facebook to promote Dad's blog, we could have propelled him into the top rankings even as a newbie.

Despite it's many shortcomings, the Internet continues to provide us with opportunities that were not available just a few short years (OK, a decade) ago. Technology has changed our lives forever.

Has technology helped or hindered your life? Use the comments feature to post your response. Each response must be 200 words or less, and should start with "HELPED:" or "HINDERED:" Only one comment per category per user. (Yes, that means that you get to contribute one "helped" and one "hindered", separately.) Ask your friends to participate. I'm thinking of going back to grad school and need a dissertation topic!

Bam Bam the Blogger Man

Today I set my father up with his own blog. By all rights, this man should have had the very first ever blog. He has been writing letters to everyone about everything as long as I can remember. (I still have a letter he wrote me when I was 2 years old.)

Without doubt, BamBamtheBloggerman will be prolific. Who knows? Maybe he'll end up with a book deal.

Oh, by the way. I support the right to free speech. That doesn't mean I subscribe to all the ideas presented by my blogging associates. I subscribe to some.

The Difference Between Physicians and Veterinarians?

This came up today at lunch in a conversation with my friends Stacey and Sue:

I have worked with hundreds of students whose dream was to complete professional school and become veterinarians or doctors.

When I have asked pre-vet students why they want to become veterinarians, the first response is almost always, "Because I love animals."

When I have asked pre-med students why they want to become doctors, NO one has EVER responded, "Because I love people."

What is that about?

The Landmark Forum

I recently participated in the Landmark Forum, a 3 1/2 day personal growth program offered by Landmark Education. I enrolled in this program for three reasons: 1) my brother had attended and spoke highly of it; 2) I needed CEUs for my counseling certification; 3) I was really curious, because my brother is not the kind of guy who regularly attends personal development seminars. In addition, my brother sent my two nieces, and I got some positive feedback there, too. While I suspect that most people in the group had more background information than I did, I don't think I was at any disadvantage. For me, the program was eye-opening, enlightening, and truly worthwhile. I would do it again.

Our presenter was personable, caring, and very funny. Our group was diverse. It consisted of 110 people from 18 - 80+ years old. Professionals, students, and retirees were all represented. Some participants were evaluating the program for their companies, others were looking at changing careers, and some were seeking clarification on more personal issues. Everyone interacted with many other members of the group.

The criticisms I have read online are unfounded in my experience. The suggestions that this is a "cult" is just silly. We were not abused, held hostage, or yelled at. We could leave to go to the restroom whenever we wanted. We could get up and get water. We had regular breaks. We could go home if we didn't like it. No one was singled out and embarrassed. We were not brainwashed. No one called us mean names. I returned home as planned. I am not being stalked by zombies.

As a mental health counselor, I'm pretty open to personal growth opportunities. On the other hand, my background can make me a tough audience. After all, I'm hip to the tricks of the trade, right? I can make my Myers-Briggs assessment come out any way I want it to. I've studied all the theories; I've counseled many others. So I figured I'd experience this and see how I could use what I learned professionally. Imagine my surprise when I found myself "transformed"! It did not happen at the Forum. I understood everything intellectually, but it was the following day that the light bulb suddenly went on in my head. It has been incredibly liberating. I wish I had done this years ago!

Honestly, I thought that the goal of "transformation" was a bit too lofty. For a while I thought that some people had issues way too heavy to manage in a large group setting like this. I was genuinely worried about one participant (who I now consider a dear friend), but am happy to report that she had a wonderful, positive outcome. Every indication that I saw was that the Forum leader was truly tuned into the group, recognized issues, and made certain that everyone received support. This is a top-notch organization. They are committed to providing a substantial experience to everyone.

To the critics, if you didn't want to attend, you should not have. If your intention was only to disrupt the process, you did yourself and the other participants no favors.

This program offers the opportunity to take an honest look at our perceptions and how they shape our lives. It helps you to let go of anger and resentment, and to overcome the fears that prevent us from achieving our goals. The Forum can help you find the power within you to become an extraordinary individual living a life of integrity. Isn't that what we really want?

The Landmark Forum cost me $440 for a 3/12 day program: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday from 9:00 am to around 9:30 or 10:00 pm and Tuesday evening from 7:30 - 10:45. It also includes 10 Tuesday evening seminars. It's pretty cheap when you break it down hourly.

Yes, they will ask you to promote the program to your friends and family. I have a few friends and family members who I hope will enroll. What's the problem with this? Mary Kay, Avon, Tupperware, and my financial planner all ask me to refer clients to them. Landmark Education is a business, so why shouldn't they ask the same thing? (OK, everyone knows that Tupperware is a cult, but my financial planner? Please!) And if I had a great experience, why wouldn't I want to share it? I am sending my son to the next program. If his girlfriend wants to go, I will pay for it, too. I cannot think of a greater gift to give two 18 year olds than to free them from the burden of the junk that most of us carry well into our adult years.

Here's my advice: if you are really seeking personal enlightenment and are willing to look honestly at yourself, do this. It's worth every penny and every minute.

It won't change the things life throws at you, but you just might find yourself managing in a very different way. Be extraordinary. We only get one shot at this.

A Small Clarification

For the record, the University Police Department did not turn off Andrew Meyer's microphone at the John Kerry event. The mic was turned off by ACCENT, the group that coordinates on-campus events, when Mr. Meyer's language became objectionable.

The Gainesville Five (or Six, Depending on Who You Talk To)

I am a supporter of free speech. I am also a supporter of the idea that there is a "time and place" for everything. Andrew Meyer violated all semblance of what is appropriate when he barged in line at Kerry's talk last night and proceeded to steamroll questions at Kerry without giving him a chance to respond.

When I watched the first video, I had the suspicion that Meyer's actions seemed premeditated. Many of my colleagues expressed the same opinion. When the police first approached Meyer, he acted "oh-so-surprised" in a very unconvincing way. Anyone who was really surprised would not have started screaming about being arrested at this point. His "Oh, what did I do?" cries also rang very false. Don't believe me? Check out his website . Think this is just a coincidence, complete with T-shirts to come? Right. This guy had this planned way in advance! This particular web site was created on April 5, 2007, and will expire on April 9, 2009 unless renewed.

I hope Mr. Meyer has enjoyed his few minutes of fame. He may have support (yes, Dad, I know what you think about this one), but he certainly doesn't have anything to offer his supporters except an obnoxious attitude and a few tips on how to turn yourself into the media event of the moment. He did, however, suck 6 UPD officers into his little drama, with no regard for the consequences to them. Isn't it interesting that this SOB would only "resist" when the cameras were on him, but when they were not, he was calm and cooperative, telling the officers that he wasn't mad at them and they were just doing their jobs? Isn't it interesting that this has been reported in the news and by the officers involved? If all the evidence points to a setup by Meyer, then will these police officers still find themselves suspended?

I don't advocate unnecessary force. I also do not believe for a single moment that this was a normal circumstance. Under normal circumstances, I believe that this many officers would have been able to cuff and remove Mr. Meyer. Check out his Facebook Page. Not too many of his peers are feeling sympathetic.

OK, Andrew. You won. You got on the front pages of CNN, ABC, NBC, The Gainesville Sun, the Ocala Star Banner, and the Alligator. Now admit that you are the publicist for this whole thing, let the officers be counseled, and drop the whole mess before you ruin someone else's life for no good reason. (YOU are not a good reason.)

Sick of Celebrities

Can someone please explain to me why Paris Hilton equals "news"? Paris Hilton is a wealthy young woman, who (in my humble opinion) has nothing but her money to commend her. She has never been cited for doing anything productive or kind. She does not work, she does not contribute to society, she is not remotely representative of the American public. Yet, each morning, when I sit down to read the news and enjoy a cup of coffee, I am greeted by Paris Hilton in the headlines. So nice to know that she has found god since her stay at our expense.

Robert Kennedy Jr. has said that we (Americans) are the best entertained, but least informed group of people. I think he is probably right. (No party remarks here, please, this is not a political issue.)Are we so complacent and bored that we think it's okay for Paris to get top billing when the Presidential election is coming up and we are still at war in Iraq?

Paris must be selling, because she continues to be headline news, along with Britney's ridiculous antics, and Lindsay's rehab. Who really cares? These people do not impact our lives, except in the way that they influence our youngest women to emulate them. They are only a circus act distracting us from the important things that do affect our lives.

Tracking celebrity misadventures is best suited to the National Enquirer and People magazine. It's time to pay attention to important issues. Just in case you didn't notice, gasoline is at $3.00 per gallon. Do you know why? Do you know who Ron Paul is? Is ethanol a sustainable source of automobile fuel for our future? What is happening to Florida's fresh water supply and how will we continue to support our growing population?

It's time to get off of our collective butts and let the so called "news" sites know that we want real news in the headlines. Put the celebrity junk where it belongs - in entertainment only - and keep it off the front page. We have important issues facing us nationally and globally. Paris is probably not going to help us resolve any of those things. It's our responsibility. Let's take it seriously.

I suggest that we boycott any news page that features celebrity hijinks as headlines from July 1 through July 7. Send an email to your news page (look at the bottom for "contact us" and send your comment). If each of you can get just a couple of people involved, we have the potential to make an impact.

It's your world. Make it the best it can be.

P.S. Today I was looking for a new dog. The kennel closest to my home advertises that "39 celebrities have bought our dogs." You know what? I'm looking elsewhere and I'm letting them know why.

In Memory of Lt. Corey Dahlem

I am all for celebrating victories, but not at the cost of life. It is time for us to determine what carries a greater weight -- our national championships, or the lives of those who must protect us in celebration of victory.

I am truly saddened by the needless death of Lt. Corey Dahlem, a dedicated public servant. To his family, our basketball win is meaningless. I believe that the University Athletic Association owes a huge monetary debt to this family. Nothing will ever make up for this tragic loss.

Games have been important since the beginning of ancient history. But it is irresponsible for the University of Florida (or any other university) to sacrifice it's local law enforcement personnel to life endangering situations because of a sports event.

Nothing will ever replace Lt. Corey Dahlem for his family. It's time for the University Athletic Association to make a huge contribution to ensuring the Dalmen family's livelihood or else to provide their own personnel to manage events that they cause.

This is above and beyond any local police department's call of duty, and universities should be held responsible for their impact on local neighborhoods.

To the family of Lt. Corey Dahlem I offer my sincerest condolences. You are in my prayers. I am terribly sorry for this horrible and tragic accident.

Christmas Ramblings

Christmas is coming and the geese are getting fat.
Please put a penny in the poor man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny, then a ha'penny will do.
If you haven't got a ha'penny then God bless you.

My mother sang this little English ditty to me when I was young. To me, it elicits the whole Dickens Christmas Carol story, and every Christmas it pops into my head almost as if Mother were still here to remind me about what's really important.

Christmas is such a big event when we are young. As we grow older, it changes. Life tends to intrude on the "magic" of the season, and we start to shift priorities to make everything fit together. Many of my friends and family had simple Christmases this year. It's really a relief in many ways. While we still have a kid at home, he's a teenager, so it was easy to scale down. We had a pretty tree, we had gifts for him, we had a great dinner. We spent the morning and early afternoon together as a family, and truly enjoyed it. The late afternoon and evening were spent relaxing -- reading, puttering, watching a movie. DS went off to visit friends.

When my parents decided to forgo the big tree and extravagant display I was shocked. How could they ignore the season that way? Now, I am thinking that their little ceramic tree with the LightGlo lights wasn't such a bad idea after all. There are other things that need attention, even over the holidays.

This year, it seems that DH's sister might beat the odds on a diagnosis that is usually a death sentence. Being at the hospital for her surgery, I got to know my 3 adult nephews by marriage, who I had met many times, but never really connected with. They are awesome young men. We got to spend time with another sister who came from far away to be with us for the surgery. We have spoken almost daily to everyone in the family. We connected in a way that I don't wish on younger people, but is meaningful and important. It goes far beyond the obligatory Christmas phone call.

Life has a way of showing us what is important. Christmas makes us a little more open to thinking about these things in a different way. I am grateful to have this miracle, and I am grateful for all the family and friends who have supported us through this, and who are there for us even when the holiday season doesn't demand it.

To each and every one of you special people, Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, prosperous New Year.

Alachua County Judge Mark Mosely

When my family requested a restraining order against a 16 year old kid who has terrorized my son with a pellet gun, a Molotov cocktail, a 2x4, and a gang of people who wanted to fight one boy (my son); when evidence proves that this 16 year old stole my son's cell phone and sold his SIM card (costing me well over $125); when this kid stalked my son on campus and attacked him at a friend's home; and when this kid's friends are bragging that he vandalized my son's car to the tune of more than $500; Judge Mark Mosely decided that there was insufficient evidence to issue a temporary 2-week restraining order and that we needed to wait 2 weeks until we could have a court hearing. This harrassment has gone on for more than 3 weeks. The SFCC police daprtment and ASO are taking this complaint seriously. Judge Mosely apparently doesn't think that upstanding citizens deserve the protection of the court.

While I have filed a supplemental affadavit for the restraining order, the court tells me it will be 3-5 days before a decision. Every day that this kid is free from legal action is a potential problem. Thanks very much, Judge Mosely. Anything can happen in the interim. I hope you realize that it will be your repsonsibility if things go awry.

Please let everyone know how Judge Mark Mosely handled this request for a restraining order, We are professional people, upstanding citizens, and have no previous record. If I am paying this guy's salary (and I am) I expect a little more consideration.

No Protection from the Court

The court denied my request for a restraining order. The did set a hearing date, 2 weeks from now. I don't think I can take 2 more weeks of this. I'm filing a supplemental affadavit, but my optimism isn't too great at this point.

Many Thanks

To all my friends, family, extended family, and friends of friends:

Thanks to each of you who have provided so much support to me during times of stress. You know who you are. Without you, life would be much tougher. Although every one of us experiences bad times along with the good, you have each helped me to remember that the bad times are simply are necessary part of living.

I am deeply grateful for each and every one of you. And Sma, I still sleep with the blanket you made for me every night. No day goes by without my remembering how much you gave to me during that especially rough time.

Life is about relationships, and each of you are special. Thank you so much for being the wonderful people you are.

Much love,

Deb

You Are Judged by the Company You Keep

I used to roll my eyes when my mother would make statements about being judged by the company you keep, along with a lot of other things. Sorry, Mom. I wish you were here so I could tell you how right you were. But I never kept really bad company, so I couldn't really understand the true meaning (and truth) behind this particular saying.

I've learned it now, though, the hard way. My family's life is now controlled by one sick individual who my son became acquainted with over the summer. This kid (Jon) is the next door neighbor of my son's best friend. He is 16 years old. His parents are doctors. They leave him alone 3 - 4 nights per week while they spend time at their beach house. He deals drugs from their home. He steals from other kids. He stole my son's cell phone "as a joke" and sold his SIM card. (We have proof of this.) He threatens people. He trashed my son's car to the tune of more than $500.

Jon has recently decided that some money was taken from his room. He has also decided that my son and his friend are the only ones who could have done this. At least that is his excuse for terrorizing all of us, assaulting my kid's friend's house, and stalking them both on campus with threats and demands to fight. Nevermind that he was probably too stoned to know if he ever really had the money, where he left it, or how he might have spent it.

We've reported it all to SFCC police, who have been very helpful. We've also had to report it to ASO, who were also very helpful. Now, we have to obtain a restraining order just to try to protect ourselves. I hate having to drag all this law enforcement into my life. The worst thing I've ever done was get a speeding ticket.

I'm embarrassed, but worse, I am scared. We can't get the car fixed until we know this is over. We cannot afford to continually repair vandalism. There are constant threats that come in via text messages and voice mail (ASO was pretty shocked to hear those). My son's best friend lives next door to Jon, and his parents have witnessed the drug activity and the assault on their house, but are too scared to make an official complaint. Jon has already hurt one of their dogs, and they are afraid to file a complaint because they think he will hurt their dogs again or worse.

Jon's parents don't care a bit. When they were told by their neighbors about suspicious activity at their home when they are gone, they waited 3 weeks to respond and then asked the neighbors to watch their house. Maybe a restraining order will get their attention, but I doubt it.

It doesn't take much to get involved with the wrong crowd. It can be a huge task to get uninvolved. We had hoped that the whole thing would burn itself out if ignored, but that isn't the case here.

Let's face it, if my son and his friend had never gotten involved with this jerk none of this would be happening. However, at the ripe old age of 17, none of us is really very well versed in the ways of the world. One out-of-control kid can wreak havoc that you cannot even begin to imagine.

If anyone has any good ideas about stopping this, let me know. In the meantime, I highly recommend getting a wonderful dog over having children. Dogs don't talk, don't make friends you don't want them to have, and are always happy to see you. They are predictable and reliable. They rarely cause terrible stress on your home life.

Damn, I need a vacation. Too bad I'm afraid to leave town.

Tenants from Hell

Actually, most of our tenants are pretty good people. Like the rest of us, they have their idiosyncrasies, but generally speaking they are good, normal folks just like the rest of us. Recently, though, we have had the tenants from hell. I might post a few photos just to show you how awful things can be, but what made this worse was that this guy was my advisee when he was a freshman. I remembered (too late) his mother telling me, "he's not a bad kid, but he's always trying to make the system work for him." Then, when I checked around the college, I found that he had a reputation for "acting without authorization". He has a degree in the highest paying field on the planet, but cannot get a job. (At least the employers are on their toes.) We had to make them leave after only 6 weeks in the place. Here's the letter I really wanted to send him after he tried to make a case for his security deposit. (Trust me here, we are well known for returning entire security deposits unless there is a legit problem.)
*********************************************************

THE LETTER I WISH I COULD SEND

Dear Minions of Satan:

Further correspondence with you is made tolerable only by my deep faith that your ignorance and gall are not contagious, and that in time the memory of your toxic trip through our lives will serve as a warning for others. You are never satisfied. It’s insufficient for you to have been born stupid – you insist on seeking to increase your birthright in every utterance.

In response to your brilliant letter regarding the security deposit deductions, let us first state that you obviously don’t know a damn thing about the law, life, or much of anything else.

Couch disposal. The couch was still in the cottage on the evening of October XX, 2006. That it somehow migrated to the patio after this time is irrelevant. E--- stated at the time that your intention was to give it to Goodwill (also irrelevant). It really doesn’t matter if you had left the freakin’ thing on the roof. You abandoned it, we had to dispose of it, and you are, in fact, according to the law, responsible for it’s removal. Dumbass.

Carpet repair. Of course you are unaware of any damages to the carpet. Even if you thought you had damaged it,

1. you wouldn’t admit it, and
   
2. you couldn't possibly know because you couldn’t see any of the carpet while you two were in residence. While we can easily believe that you never used an iron during your tenancy, and we might have jumped to an erroneous conclusion in thinking that either of you would utilize such an appliance, the burn to the carpet did, in fact, occur after you moved in.

Carpet Cleaning. OK, sure. You cleaned the carpets. We should know that from the bits of lint all over the carpet during the inspection at 6:30 pm on Oct. XX, 2006. It’s also backed up by your note that says “carpets cleaned” that showed up sometime after October XX. It is further supported by your bluster and a significant lack of real documentation. Had you cleaned the carpets, your responsibility was to notify us ahead of time. We simply don't believe you.

GRU Bills. So which is it, Genius? Either you were out of the premises before October xx, and therefore abandoned the couch in the living room, or you were still in residence and are responsible for the GRU bills? Hah! It doesn’t matter what you say, because by your very own logic you are trapped. The cottage was inspected on the evening of October xx. You had left furniture there and not yet returned keys or left your note stating that the keys were with the other tenants. You obviously used power on October xx, and very likely on October xx+1, as well. The GRU bill for this period stands.

As for the remaining utilities, unbunch your panties, Idiot Boy. This amount has been held out simply as security – as agreed in the original agreement for you to vacate – until the actual bill comes in. At that time, we’ll refund any difference to you and provide a copy of the bill.

We truly hope that this finalizes any further correspondence with you beyond mailing the final GRU bill. Your tenancy, brief though it was, has truly demonstrated that some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

Very best regards,

***************************************************************

These people were awful in the worst sense. While you were evicting them, they would invite you in to sit down. I would not have let one of my dogs sit in that place. I have never seen a frat house that messy. They are so ignorant of the world. She is pregnant, he is unemployed, they are unmarried. They moved to his parents' home after we asked them to leave. (His parents are a lawyer and a doctor, so no hardship there.) I will never rent again to someone I "know". This whole mess has cost us a fortune and really affected my faith in humanity.

I Recommend Small Dogs Over Children

Just in case any of you out there are wondering, small dogs are a much better choice than children. While your beautiful golden haired child will thrill you for several years, he will eventually turn into a teenager and make you wish you were dead. My advice: don't breed. Adopt a small dog who will always love you and who you can put to sleep when it gets to be too much. Motherhood sucks.

Dedicated to the girls who have been here before

My dignity depends on a small piece of elastic. Usually benign, inconsequential, and given little thought, this modern substitute for the drawstring simplifies our lives in many ways. It helps our clothes conform to our bodies. It eliminates unsightly bulges where unwelcome drawstring knots would appear. Today, elastic was the enemy.

I left my office this afternoon delighted at the thought of a long weekend. As I walked down the hall, I felt a strange tightness around my hips. Damn! I know I gained back 2 pounds, but this skirt has never felt like this before. Time to hop on the treadmill and get over the Burrito Brother's Primo Beef Burrito I had for lunch. OK, I can do that. As I walked to the parking lot, that strange, binding feeling started to move lower, creeping from high on my hip to the top of my thighs. @#$*! I can't be gaining weight that fast! OK, so I had a couple of chips, too, but gee whiz, I'm still way under my points for the day. How can one burrito make me so fat so soon?

Now I am hurrying. If I walk a little faster, I can burn off a few extra calories, right? That tight feeling is now midway to my thighs. This is a full, flouncy skirt. What is going on?

I step off the curb, my vehicle in sight. I look down as I step, and see a flash of beige hovering around my ankles. What the ....?

Ladies, there in full view of any passerby was my slip, sliding south, ready to tangle me up in an undignified knot and topple me face first to the pavement. Betrayed by my very own undergarments! The same ones I have carefully washed on delicate and dried on low heat.

Two thoughts came to mind immediately. The first, I am on my way to an appointment, I can't wear this skirt without a slip. So I climbed into my car, and carefully tucked the offending and now useless elastic into my pantyhose. The second thought was that this was really pretty funny. I am not the only one who has been here. Reference my pal's blog . Her Mom and my grandmother also related similar experiences.

Sometimes I guess we just need a little quirky experience to make us stop taking life so seriously. I mean really, it could have been much worse. I remember seeing a woman in a restaurant whose skirt had gotten tucked into her panty hose when she used the ladies room. We all had an eyefull of pantyhose and buttocks that evening. Thank the gods for small mercies.