Monday, August 14, 2006

Too Much Stuff

Too much stuff. There's just too much stuff.
It'll hang you up, dealing with too much stuff.

~Delbert McClinton

My husband and I have been married for a little more than five years. He was 50 at the time, and I'm not far behind him. He lived in this awesome house that he built (well, OK, was still building in some ways), and I lived in the burbs with my young son. We knew there would be some challenges in combining our households. I'm a city girl, he's an earthy, do-it-yourself kind of guy. We intended to sort through all of our mountains of stuff before I moved to his home, then get married, and live happily ever after.

Shortly before the wedding, we bought an adorable 1945 house as a rental property. We're both crazy about buildings and architecture and projects. This was truly the shadow of things to come. We spent several months painstakingly restoring our new property, finishing up with three weeks to spare before the wedding. Fortunately, the caterers were friends. The wedding was wonderful. Life was good.

Then, it was time to move my stuff to his house. I have to say we handled it pretty well - we didn't kill each other. But the burden of stuff started to become undeniably apparent that day. It seems we are both packrats - er, I mean collectors. Everyone in my family is a collector. My brothers own more cars than you can count, British cars, muscle cars, weird and interesting cars. They own lots of other motorized toys like boats, too. Some of them even float. It made me feel better knowing that all these other people collect things like we do.

The stuff we have collected along the path of life has become a burden. It's everywhere, and dealing with it becomes so overwhelming that it's easier to ignore it and let it continue to accumulate. I take time off from work, promising myself that I will divest myself of significant quantities of stuff that will make a difference. Hours after sorting through boxes, I am paralyzed by guilt, indecisiveness, and nostalgia.

My dream is to have a home so uncluttered, so clean, and so absolutely Spartan that a lost set of car keys can remain lost only for the few moments it takes to make a 360 degree sweep of a room. That anything out of place stands out so clearly that it cannot remain lost for long. Reality is different.

I have to say that the stuff my husband has collected is infinitely cooler -- although a lot bigger -- than my stuff. He has wood cook stoves, enameled and fancy. He has wood burning heating stoves, black and ornate. He has gigantic beer signs from the sides of midwestern farmhouses. Oh, he has an eye for the collectible, the nostalgic, the huge. My stuff is smaller. I am attracted to shiny, colorful objects. I own way too much depression glass, ruby glass, and bits and pieces of antique Christmas ornaments. Not to mention the enormous collection of Hallowe'en stuff collected in the years when my son's annual party was the talk of the town.

Then there is the guilt collection. What to do with my mother's wedding gown? Not that anyone I know could fit into it even if they wanted to wear a 50+ year old dress. It has history and meaning. I have a ton of stuff that was my mother's. Some of it is meaningful, a few pieces are valuable, but I am somehow caught in a web of guilt that prevents me from disposing of it. I would give it to my nieces and nephew, let it become their burden, but they don't even have their own homes yet. Where would they put it?

Our kids don't want this stuff, neither does the Smithsonian. Family history is cool, and hard to come by in a day when we are all so mobile. Appreciating the things of our past is cool, too. There are many times that I yearn for the simpler life this stuff supposedly represents. But I have to tell you that carrying all this stuff around for years and years does not make my life simple. It takes up a ton of space, and weighs on me daily.

I'm not sure what it is that made my generation reach out and grab all the old stuff our parents had discarded. We are not alone. This is the song I hear all my peers singing.


I have a new plan. I am going to start putting stuff on Ebay. For every item I sell, I will include a "free gift." Oh, you bought a camera lens? Well, here's your free wood burning stove to go with it! You bought the depression glass? Here's your free vintage tractor! I figure that this way I will get rid of twice as much stuff as if I had a yard sale.

My husband is encouraging me. He wants to let go of this stuff, too. We cannot wait to be free of the mountains of stuff that we have spent so much of our lives aquiring. Less is more.

7 comments:

Jess said...

Hey got anything I can use? LOL I love antiques!

Yeah I think you should go through and tape a number on everything. 1 - ABSOLUTELY KEEP
2 - GET RID OF
3 - NOT SURE

Go through the stuff once a month just survey it all, you'll find you'll be changing numbers and discarding more each time. I had to do that with all my smaller size clothes-remember the miniskirts I used to wear when we worked together? I donated everything, I figured that the only way I was going to fit into them was if I got rid of them and quit DREAMING! LOL

Let me know if I can help!

PS...mom and dad need to go through their house and do this. Actually dad did clean out his office, I helped him, damn there was shit there from years ago. We even found my parents old Kodak camera from more than 30 years ago which still had film in it!!

Anonymous said...

My daughter is so organized, I'm sorry to say that that gene must have skipped a generation. My mother has it, and Jess has it, but I'm the one who has a chest full of cards from my kids, husband, and parents that dates back to 1966. I see that chest every morning when I get ready for work, as it sits there in the bedroom, under my Winnie the Pooh that my husband got me in 1985. I know it's just accumulating dust, but I just can't get rid of anything inside. Did I mention that it also contains the collers of all my dogs?? This isn't just a child's toy chest, it's my life, or parts of it. From birthdays, anniversaries, births, Mother's Day, ad infinitum. I keep thinking that one day when I'm old and grey, well....old....I'll be sitting there going through all the memories I've collected through the years and it will bring back each and every day that these small tokens represent. Maybe I'll laugh over some of them, and cry as well, but it will be there to remind me of the best days of my life, when I was a young mother and wife. I think that there are so many women who will never have those memories to look back on and I consider myself very, very fortunate. So, maybe I'll never be rich or have that beach house in Cape Cod, or be the best selling author I always aspired to be. I'll have something worth much more.

Don't ever feel guilty for holding on to the your mother's wedding dress. Keep it, and whatever else means anything to you. As for the wood stoves?? They can go...

Jess said...

Yeah I think the wood stoves can go, the wedding dress? Well Deb doesn't have any daughters to pass it on to but maybe a niece? Some things have obvious sentimental value because they represent great memories. Ok I'm about to be silly but can you use part of the dress to make something that you would keep in your house? I am not sure what--but I just wonder.

My guess is mom will pass down that stuff she's talkign about. I have a hard time getting rid of cards and letters. I have a plastic thing that holds all the cards from friends and family, people who are special to me. I even have old letters from friends from my military days, girls who were friends, guy friends I was stationed with (no ex's!!) and reading them brings me back to a happy time. I just want to keep them.

Deb sometimes it helps to have an outside person involved, I'm ready and willing to help. And Vin can help Gary with the "man stuff" just be careful not to let Vinny come home with the wood stoves, he would love to have one to put in our house we plan to build someday!

Deb said...

I keep special cards and letters, too. We need memories, and I'm not willing to get rid of it all. It's just the big stuff, the stuff we "know" has value but seems so hard to unload. Mom, it's so good to hear your voice again...that voice that kept me sane through old crazy times. Yup, Jess is very organized. And she's right, I could use her help on this. I think it's time to plan a little weekend get together for the two of us. And I will keep the wedding dress. Even though my mother was a tiny lady, I do have a niece who will want this and I can manage to store it for a while longer. Love you both. ~D

PS. I do remember those miniskirts, Jess. You looked great in them.

Jess said...

That's true, if you're unsure, keep it awhile longer. Dad's right. How many times did he throw something away he was "unsure of" and damnit a week later he was like "where's that thingamajig I used to have?" and it turns out he tossed it. Of course with him it was always something out of the ordinary, usually somethign with wires sticking out of it!

Deb said...

Good news! It looks like we have a taker for one of the wood stoves. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

craig said...

im craig ive been collecting wedding dresses for three years on not a good bugdet at all but the preservation of the gowns are important and was courious if you still have the gown. it would be much appreciated. you would be able reach me with email unitedpotsmlrs@yahoo.com thank you for your time