My dignity depends on a small piece of elastic. Usually benign, inconsequential, and given little thought, this modern substitute for the drawstring simplifies our lives in many ways. It helps our clothes conform to our bodies. It eliminates unsightly bulges where unwelcome drawstring knots would appear. Today, elastic was the enemy.
I left my office this afternoon delighted at the thought of a long weekend. As I walked down the hall, I felt a strange tightness around my hips. Damn! I know I gained back 2 pounds, but this skirt has never felt like this before. Time to hop on the treadmill and get over the Burrito Brother's Primo Beef Burrito I had for lunch. OK, I can do that. As I walked to the parking lot, that strange, binding feeling started to move lower, creeping from high on my hip to the top of my thighs. @#$*! I can't be gaining weight that fast! OK, so I had a couple of chips, too, but gee whiz, I'm still way under my points for the day. How can one burrito make me so fat so soon?
Now I am hurrying. If I walk a little faster, I can burn off a few extra calories, right? That tight feeling is now midway to my thighs. This is a full, flouncy skirt. What is going on?
I step off the curb, my vehicle in sight. I look down as I step, and see a flash of beige hovering around my ankles. What the ....?
Ladies, there in full view of any passerby was my slip, sliding south, ready to tangle me up in an undignified knot and topple me face first to the pavement. Betrayed by my very own undergarments! The same ones I have carefully washed on delicate and dried on low heat.
Two thoughts came to mind immediately. The first, I am on my way to an appointment, I can't wear this skirt without a slip. So I climbed into my car, and carefully tucked the offending and now useless elastic into my pantyhose. The second thought was that this was really pretty funny. I am not the only one who has been here. Reference my pal's blog . Her Mom and my grandmother also related similar experiences.
Sometimes I guess we just need a little quirky experience to make us stop taking life so seriously. I mean really, it could have been much worse. I remember seeing a woman in a restaurant whose skirt had gotten tucked into her panty hose when she used the ladies room. We all had an eyefull of pantyhose and buttocks that evening. Thank the gods for small mercies.
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4 comments:
How fondly I remember the day in high school (60's), when I was in the middle of changing classes, has to walk down the second floor stairs with 2oo other students and then when I reached the first floor, felt a strange sensation around my waist, slowly slipping further and further south. Of course I had to walk all the way down to the other end of the hall with my knees clenched together because the bathrooms weren't closeby. There was my typing class getting ready to leave for the day, and all I had to do was wait patiently for them to exit out the front door, so I could slither into the front and close it just long enough to "adjust", A teacher I never liked became my guardian angel that day, as she rushed them out the front, leaving me with what little dignity I had left to pull things back up and tuck them in. This was a day that will live in my memory as a sophomore for the rest of my life.
Only happens to Italian women right? I mean our grandmothers surely put a curse on us that if we weren't "good" girls our undergarments would just FALL down for all the world to see?
Sounds like something Marie Barone would say!
Always remember the good side of that problem. Just like I always tell Naomi when she tells my to pull my pants up. " They can't fall any futher then the floor."
Larry, you are SO right. As always. (Wanna here that again? "You are right!") LOL
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